i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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