Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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