I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
