We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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