don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
