I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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