and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
