So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
