I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
