so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
