i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
