areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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