I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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