Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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