She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
