Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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