Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
