Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
