All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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