I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
