im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
