my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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