I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize