I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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