I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
