don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
