can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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