it's too hot outside to masturbate.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
