Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
