PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
