do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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