btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
