It's Friday. Sex?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
