I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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