you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
