Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
