I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
