I heard we made out
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
