tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
