I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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