I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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