That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
