she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
