Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
