So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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