remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
