Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize