Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
where are my eyebrows?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
