if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ok first of all what the fuck
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
