You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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