it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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