Heybabeimwearingurpanties
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
