I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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