I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
