I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
