hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
