Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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