I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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