trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My balls are so social today.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
