is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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