I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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