dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
