Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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