i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
