When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
