shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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