I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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