I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
