why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
