You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
