I wanna passion pit in your ass
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
