I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
