We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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