So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
