This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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