North Korea, Best Korea!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
