He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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