I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
