singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
