U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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