It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
