this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
