The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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