dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
