I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
