Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
